How to Hit the Bottom

Sitting in a green couch in which they always get uncomfortable feelings. If only a soul-mate (if so called) fills you with blank feelings, you can just ask yourself “why am I going through this pointless relationship?” They keep saying, I love you, though. Such a meanless progress, when you are just full-filled with such emptiness. Still, you sometimes miss that feeling. This is the weird part, I think. This makes you realize that you are still a human.

Have you ever thought that you look like a chimpanzee when you are kissing the one you love? Having your lips upon her lips, such an ugly moment. Picturing people having sex is also a comedia. However, you keep enjoying this ugly moment because of your penis. I would like to say to her, “you have a moustache”. Still, girls are considered beautiful because they have cunts.

Whenever you think of your life putting in order, you always end up with this shitty result: why so serious? Because it’s never “that” serious and you just get mad at yourself. Why would you even need this person when she/he already screws up your whole life? Yet it sounds like a teenager complaining, it’s the truth itself.

As long as you realise, life is not that serious, you start worrying about others because they are way too serious. People, who are get involved with politics, for instance. Thinking their country is such a holy country, sounds like they are just bunch of losers. In fact, they completely are. Kids grow up with their idiotic bravery stories and end up the same. It’s like, you are living in this country so it must be the best one because you are the best. I think, the basic feeling behind this fascism is totally about that. You love your country because you love yourself. You think you deserve this much but you are totally fucked up. And if you realise that you are fucked up before you die, they blame you by calling you an anarchist or public enemy.

Realising that you are fucked up with all the details of your life and accepting it is sort of a total freedom. Just glide along, like the water itself. Everything goes from your life and you’re such a loser. And until you’re accepting this truth, you are totally lost. If you’d been an immortal as you thought, you wouldn’t have watched super-hero movies. You watch those stuff because it impresses you, being an immortal. Because you are totally fucked up and no one gives you a shit. In fact, some people even want you dead because of your identity.

Some say: “Pretend that you’re fine” but it’s always far away from that and you keep trying it over and over again. I’ve found my own solution: “accept the truth and confront with it” which should be accepting how your life sucks and how pathetic you are because this is the only truth. Accept all of the details one by one until the end.

“Music is your only friend,

 Until the end...” - James Douglas Morrison.

Chinatown

A rare 1974 film that villains win at the end... It doesn't make it any worse that watching this movie for second time, as a lover of Jack Nicholson's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I don't want to suggest rest of the writing for anyone else who didn't watch the movie. It may contain much spoilers, or less. I don't know. But don't read it though.



Hearing "Chinatown" dialogues non-stop in the movie and seeing Chinatown at the end scene, shouldn't be considered as a bad element; conversely, it is a quite message that the movie will be concluded at that scene -for me, it became more complicated. Like other Hitchcock detective stories, the audience locks on the main character in the movie. The camera never closed up, for instance, to the Hollis Mulwray character chased by the detective, its reason is to make the audience lock on the main character. The audience locks on the detective character in this very scene that when the detective takes photos of Hollis and the girl, in fact, you may even be more nervous than the detective’s himself when he falls off the tiles. It’s a more logical detail, that the detective puts a watch under the Hollis’ car and when he takes after, he finds out how many minutes he stayed there, than saying: “This movie is really bad.”













Another detail is the scene that Evelyn Mulwray leans her head to the steering wheel while J.J. Gittes talks to her, she accidentally honks and she’s suddenly startled. While considering this scene as sort of a joke, we see her head on the hoot at the final scene after hearing shouts of the girl from a distance and hoots of the slackening car, then, the camera zooms-in and we see her exploded head on the car horn.



To conclude, it’s a great movie with its storyline, with Jack Nicholson’s acting, with the scene, which shocks to audience, that Evelyn Mulwray says: “She is my sister and my daughter.” with its Chinese gardener, who says: “Bad for glass.” and having one of the best scenes in cinema (when Gittes takes photos of the girl and Hollis from the roof, the camera shows Gittes and we see the reflection of the girl and Hollis in the camera’s lens of Gittes). Besides, it’s stupid that that frame wasn’t used as the DVD cover or something.
















The storyline, a dark final sequence, seeing the main place at the end of the movie, shouldn’t be considered as a bad element. Conversely, it gives the audience a reaction, like, “What the...?”



Nevertheless, Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil appears as a better movie in this genre, in my opinion.

Psycho

            Psycho is an original and unique, a black and white Alfred Hitchcock movie, which was terribly remade by Gus Van Sant (in color) after 38 years in 1998. Even though, the remake of Psycho has almost the same things in common with the original movie (physical features of the characters, camera angles), it’s not a show of Hitchcock’s, to make the movie black and white in 1960. Considering the technical features of the movie and to see the 38 years older version is better, we can understand that how a director could make a bad movie or a good movie. The main reason of making the movie black and white is to summon the audience into the movie and to increase the element of stress. This is the movie that started the cliché of shower scenes in movies. And as most people know, this shower scene had been recorded in one week. It’s one of the best transitions in the cinematic history when the camera switches to Marion’s eye from the bathtub’s hole. I think it could compete with the transition scene when the camera switches to the space shuttle from the thrown bone by the Ape in 2001: A Space Odyssey. It’s also a nice detail that water flows reverse of clockwise.

                I don’t want to pass by this movie by a couple sentences but adding more details and being aware that many people already know all of these routines. But still, it’s a nice movie to talk about.

                Before seeing the first scene, we’re already aware of the stress of this movie while being shocked by the theme music. It’s not just made up by closer notes as usual in horror movies. We can surely say that the maker of this music is a schizophrenic person. The storyline appears as something so simple –as usual in other Hitchcock movies, but there are many details in hidden symbols. For a simple instance, while Marion puts 40.000$ into her purse when she goes to work, she seems extremely comfortable and she doesn’t have an idea, like to steal the money. When it converts to the next scene, we see her with a black bra and we simply understand that she’s got the idea of stealing the money and the camera zooms-in to the money-case. However, her bra in the first scene was a white bra. A similar example to this, Norman has a hobby, like filling the dead birds, and says to Marion: “You- you eat like a bird.” (Bird means “woman” in English slang).

                In the audience’s mind, the story starts to be formed simply, from here. We watch the Marion’s trip and we understand her feelings from her mind (her visions while on the trip). In fact, Hitchcock affords to bring this scene in longer sequences is about the idea of becoming a whole with Marion and not knowing anything about what’s going to happen next- as she doesn’t know. It’s an element we always see in Hitchcock movies that feeds the stress. The Breakpoint happens when Marion goes into the Bates Motel, because of the rain. Marion doesn’t see anyone in the office and look up from the window and see a duplex house. There is a woman’s shadow in the second floor’s window. The thing we should pay attention here is that the house symbolizes the Norman Bates character. The mother figure in the second floor is superego, the one that lives a normal life in the ground floor is ego, and the basement is id. As a matter of fact, only scene when Norman becomes wild is to be seen in the basement.

                Notwithstanding, Norman watches Marion from the hole in the wall, which he’s made, and goes to his house. He hesitates on going to upstairs and stays in the ground floor. Marion thinks about what she’s done at the moment and felt remorse. She’s going to try to get rid of her personal trap, as she’s told Norman. Suddenly, the fateful shower scene happens to be done. Marion Crane is stabbed and murdered by Norman’s mother. If we approach the event from the mind of Freud –and we obviously should, we could say that the knife is the reified form of the rape. The one who murders is superego. Couple minutes later, Norman yells like: “Blood! Blood!” and runs to the room and starts cleaning as a little child who wants to cover up his mother’s fault. Henceforth, the audience becomes a whole with the Norman Bates character. Until that scene, the style of Hitchcock’s at the working of the story makes the audience think like, “I’m watching a woman’s adventure, who’s stole her boss’ 40.000$ in order to get married with her boyfriend.” When Marion Crane dies, the audience is purely shocked. After that scene, the movie starts containing stress and horror elements, and it keeps turning around by the detective jumps into the story.

                

HOME

We’re coming across the ocean, by the noises of eagles. There is a couple in the jungle. They are curious as they are afraid a little bit. Jungle must be infinite. There are no foot-steps to follow. Only thing could be done is just walking around non-stop. We are not interested in who they are. We would have never asked, where are they coming from? Past is never important. People would not know about the past, instead of the future. Past is mysterious but future is outrageous. You can organize everything in your head but there may always be disorder.

                The girl is shaking by the night. Her man holds her in his arms. There is no sound but the noises of animals. Being alone with the nature turns them all. They have no ones to care for, they have no ones to be cared by. They have only each other to care for. He can look into her eyes and he can only care for her life in the jungle and he will have known that it was only her who cared for him. 

                She dies in his arms for no reason.

                “Away from the house, together in the home.”

Vortex

                Day time or night time? It’s indefinite. But the definite thing is, there is a round-table. It’s a common day. Nothing is special. Nothing is special every day. Light beams come from the window and lighten the men vaguely, who are sitting around the table. They are wearing black suits. There is life around here but not on this table, not in these men’s hearts. Top of the table is not able to be seen.

                First guy starts talking, feeling deep purple: “It’s my nightmare, man. I’m not able to do anything that I want in this fucking world. I wish it was just possible to do. Imagine a world you’re completely free. It mustn’t be drugs or alcohol. I want to feel it. You kill someone but you’re not a murderer, you know. I don’t want to stick in one position. I don’t want to be responsible from my acts. I don’t want to be punished for this, either. Could it be even possible? It’s weird, you know. Freedom doesn’t remind you something about ‘freedom’. We are just volunteer slaves and it’s sort of a freedom, right?” Waitress passes by the guy with her mini-skirt. She has long legs and she’s wearing black stockings. He just stares at the girl and she has a white rabbit tattoo on her right arm. The guy starts chasing the girl to the east.

                Second guy starts talking in a hopeless way: “When I was a little kid, there was a ‘pink castle’ in my neighborhood. I used to play soccer with friends around it. But now, when I look at my neighborhood, I only see a dirty pink house.” He hides something behind his words. He is emotionless, maybe. He wants to feel again as he used to. Suffering, relaxing, first and foremost: living… Outside of the place, a car appears, which looks more like a machine. It may carry him into his childhood. He just walks to the car and disappears.

                Third guy bends his head forward and starts talking shilly-shally: “Well… I’ve been told that I’m an awful person, a sinner. God would punish me. God would punish everyone. I just want to see it.” He takes out his knife and stabs himself cowardly with a huge spot of light. He disappears…

                Before fourth guy starts talking, it’s obvious to see his humbled face. He starts talking softly: “I thought I was the one. Like the only one snow flake in the world, you know. I was the best. I must have been. It was my only choice. I should have been loved by everyone. I could have done anything in this world, you know. I thought I did. I was careless. No one cared for me back.” No one but no one around the table, cares for his words. He goes on his life with his upset face.

                Fifth, “I am a girl…” … “This is my fault.” She walks away, feeling ashamed. And words start dropping with her tears:

                 “I am wearing the beams of light
                  Wrap it around me
                  Feeling strong against the world
                  Dip my finger in the cold water
                  Of the hidden river in a forest
                  Giving life to nature
                  The stream drain away
                  Making curls
                  Heading for an endless move…”

                 She is so beautiful to be dead.

       
                Sixth guy… is alone… looks around. “And I…” nobody is there but the fourth guy. He’s not able to see him. He walks to the west. The place starts getting darker as we get closer to the top of the table. There is a big vortex on the surface of the table. The Vortex is calling for us. We are not able to do anything in the presence of the vortex. The only thing could be done is just letting yourself for your destiny. We always get lost. We are the lost children of God. We did get lost in the Vortex again. Black.

                                                                              THE END

The Pink Shapes

I started seeing little pink shapes on my sight. I wish I could just fall asleep. The Persian is right next to me… laying in the shadow of the black’s death. The Crows must stop making annoying sounds. Why can’t we just stop falling in love with someone we don’t even know?

This white spot of light is killing me, killing my brain as if it has been even existed. Why do we even need friends? Why is it so important to be cared by someone else? Is it really something we look forward to?

My chocolate cereal is waiting for me. There is a footstep on the ceiling. I wouldn’t look at my back side, expecting to see a polar bear.

When someone have his rights to blame you with non-sense, why can’t you just blame him back? Why is it so bad?

The church’s bells are being tolled when the time is for only sleep. People are just sleeping for now or is it supposed to be all the time?

What do seduce the people to mark someone “fucking” else as a “cliché” person, when he’s just trying to tell about his feelings?

Feelings?..

What feelings?..

The Doors of Perception

The book “The Doors of Perception” contains two studies by Aldous Huxley. First, “The Doors of Perception” which is about Huxley’s trip with mescalin. This book explains only the story of his personal experience with mescalin. He tells about his visions while he’s under the influence of mescalin. He says that while under the influence of mescalin, we don’t care for our daily life. What would usually seem mundane in our everyday lives may turn into something vivid and vibrant because our interests change while experiencing a trip on mescalin. Example, from the mind of a writer, you don’t feel that you have to write some things. Little details are more important, in this case. For instance, Huxley focuses on the intensity of colors while on his trip with mescalin, in the book. So you may find yourself, sitting in a chair and thinking about the tissue of the couch. However, you’re not out of control when you’re under the influence of mescalin, which is good.

Second study is called “Heaven and Hell”. It raises the question “Why do we need drugs?” or “Why do we use drugs?” which contains the main reason of this process. Thus we may believe in the doors of perception.

The main thing I got from his writings is that people are thirsty for mystery; in other words, wondering about unknown. This triggers wanting to sense the environment in a different way.

In his book, he explains this curiosity with religion and some examples of visual arts. He says there is a different and unknown zone in our brains and we’re just trying to break through to it. So the ideas of “Heaven” and “Hell” may be coming from this mystery: Religion. He doesn’t focus on only one religion but many are talked about in the book.

He says, using shiny glasses in churches and mosques is about this feeling. The intensity of objects should make you feel mesmerized and stoned, to break through. So these temples take you to a sort of different dimension and you think it’s about the religion itself but he’s actually trying to say, “It’s all just illusion.”

On the other hand, there are people who feel like they’re in heaven with mescalin but there are also people who feel like they’re in hell with mescalin. So these “Heaven” and “Hell” concepts may just be about different parts of our brains. Subconscious, maybe.

He says, a person who takes mescaline will sense the environment like a schizophrenic person does; and a schizophrenic person may be happy with his hallucinations, or not. So this breaking through experience fits the story.

Maybe, we are not able to understand the whole environment with our actual minds. So these things we call “drugs” may be helping us to break on through to the other side, to sense and understand each mote as it supposed to be, as William Blake’s words:

“If the Doors of Perception were cleansed, everything would appear to men as it is, infinite.”